You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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