and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
