i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
