He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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