Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
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