If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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