I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
A+ Viking dick
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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