you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
