nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
