I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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