i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
