what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
