Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
