this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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