My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
