clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
