I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
