She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
