first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
