Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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