look no pants
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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