Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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