I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
