Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
