Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Mom said you looked used
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
