I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
