Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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