Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
