1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
