God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just cut my nipple shaving
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
