All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
