JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize