The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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