from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
