is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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