i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
