I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize