So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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