my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
