i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
it's like heaven, but drunker
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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