1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
