do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
