how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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