No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
