Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
