i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
