I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Quick, to the slutcave!
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
i've created a new STD.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
