So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
