she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
