I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
