bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
