I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
