Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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