im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
look no pants
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
