For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
