I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
