I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
did i walk over a car last night?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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