u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
