I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
