I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
