I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
