Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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