Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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