Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
