All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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