I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
