please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
