Soap is not a condiment
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
