Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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