New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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