someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
In other news, I just burned my penis
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
