Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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