My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
