I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
