you guys were way drunker than both of me
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
