That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
