This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
