i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize