Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
