im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
