Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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