Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
