In the future we'll all be gay
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
