The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
