Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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