Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
