shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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