Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
