I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
