i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
