I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
