4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize