...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
