So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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