Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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