I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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