dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize