I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
