just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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