The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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