i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
not ubering you a puppy
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
