Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
