what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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