just come out here and I will go home with you...
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
