We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
They took my balls.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
