Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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