Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
